15 Things People Should Run with Instead of Bulls

Pamplona's Running of the Bulls begins today, and while we wait for the first glorious goring, I wonder: Is this schtick getting old? How can we enliven this age-old tradition of endangering the lives of humanity's eligible bachelors?

Life, after all, has become more harrowing in recent years. We have invented roller coasters, horror films, 3-D movies, and Jersey Shore with the specific goal of terrorizing ourselves. Shouldn't there be scarier things than a pack of tortured bovines? Other things that would be fun to watch chasing strapping lads down the streets of Pamplona:

  • Fleet of drunk celebrities in SUVs
  • Tourists driving Segways
  • A crowd of teen girls who have been told Robert Pattison is standing with his shirt off on a public street on the other side of Pamplona
  • Members of the extended Lohan family
  • "Stroll of the Sleepy Kitties"
  • Naked people on bicycles
  • Roller derby ladies with chains and baseball bats
  • The line to join the studio audience of Oprah's "favorite things" episode
  • White lab rats that have been trained to run mazes that are replicas of the streets of Pamplona
  • Mel Gibson on a bender
  • Scary Swiss clowns
  • That one pervy runner whose penis is always hanging out of his short-shorts, you know the one I'm talking about, you're always averting your eyes from him in Central Park—him, times one thousand

Other ideas? Feel free to add them in the comments.

[Image via Getty]