The Way We Live Now: In public. Public offerings, that is—initial ones! Are you "in" on the latest IPO, or are you twiddling your thumbs, letting inflation eat your precious nest egg, to death! Lively up yourself!
Looks like the Agricultural Bank of China's IPO could raise $22 billion, making it the largest IPO in history. Did you get in on that one? No? You really missed out. Oh, you did? You fool, insiders know it was a fool's game. Agricultural bank, what are they growing—gold? We kid. But seriously, who knows why that shit is so popular, except for the fact that it has a billion customers emptying their pockets into it, all the time.
And don't fret, there's still time to rush to your broker and get in on the KKR IPO! You, an average schmuck/ sucker, can own a piece of a big fancy "name brand" private equity firm! That means lots of smart rich guys working for you. Remember the Blackstone IPO? No? Okay, good.
These are just specific examples, from which you can draw the broad and all-encompassing conclusion that the only way for you to survive in this world is to blindly throw money at brand new public companies and hope they give that money back to you soon, times several. Don't be like the fool British, where the sky-high 3% inflation rate will turn, for example, a bank account of $10k into... little math here...I mean, it takes off 3%, and then repeats that, so it's compound, so the money goes...I mean, the typical British person could never scrape together $10k without blowing it immediately on a beer party for his or her "mates," so these numbers are meaningless. It's hard times for non-investors, with math or without.
So while the rest of the suckers out there look at boring "fundamentals" like the doubling of US exports in order to carefully select logical investment opportunities, particularly bold suckers like you just find the nearest IPO and dive right in. That means today's moneymaker is, let's see.. "Zoo Entertainment, Inc." Well. Sounds. Awesome. [Pic via]