One of the Ten Most Pretentious Features of the NYT Styles Section is "Crib Sheet," which tells you "The Ten Things to Talk About This Weekend." What's this, Letterman? You're the boss of us now? You don't even know us.
1. "Hey, did you write down those suggestions from 'Crib Sheet?' I have a party to go to. Ha ha."
2. "Can you believe the extent of teen 'Hook-Up Culture' these days? Joking."
3. "Why are so many Ivy League grads in the NYT wedding section? Of course that statement is in jest."
4. "You never hear much about well-educated Brooklynites who give it all up to become farmers. I'm just playing."
5. "The Hamptons are far more important than all four of New York's outer boroughs combined. I'm fucking with you, dude."
6. "What scandalously expensive clothes that are preposterous-looking enough to be unwearable in day-to-day settings need is a media champion. Don't even take me seriously."
7. "This 'Modern Love' column will do a lot to dispel the image of New York Times readers as self-obsessed, self-loathing fey unbearable pseudointellectuals. I kid, I kid."
8. "Navigating this recession is hard without knowing what the rich are doing to deal with the issue of how to appear as if they're making financial sacrifices without actually doing so. Pshaw."
9. "If only I could somehow replace my simple, cheap, proven workout with something expensive and less effective, but quirky and attention-grabbing, like trapeze yoga with my dog. Bloop bloop."
10."I wonder what the gays are up to this summer? Heh."