The Little Mermaid Movie Better Not Involve Roller Skates

There's actually going to be one, guys. And that's what the live-action Broadway show used. Roller skates. (Well, Heelys.) Also today: good news for a 90210 alum, more X-Men casting news, and Valerie Bertinelli will be employed for another year.

British director Joe Wright, who lives up where they walk up where they run up where they spend all day in the sun, is about to head fathoms below, under the sea. Are you sniffing out the reference here? The Pride & Prejudice director has been tapped to head up a live action movie version of The Little Mermaid. Not the Disney cartoon, no. Like the old-ass fairy tale. You know, the one where she turns to sea foam in the end and it's really sad. It might not go that dark though, because the movie is apparently based on a popular British puppet show. So that's... that's interesting. I have no idea how you do live action when a lot of said action takes place under water, but movies are magic so I'm sure they'll figure it out. I'm just glad it's not some some deep sea thriller or something. Joe Wright is a classy dude. Now, biggest question: Who to play Ariel? I vote Bryce Dallas Howard. (KIDDING) [Variety]

Someone alert Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds! His star protege Brian Austin Green is headed to Wisteria Lane. (Oh heavens to St. Clemens won't you be so happy when that show is canceled and no hacky TV reporter can ever again use 'headed to Wisteria Lane' as a way to say that someone is going to be on Desperate Housewives? Oh I can't wait.) Yes the former 90210 star and bullet-to-the-head-sufferer on Sarah Connor Chronicles (canceled show spoiler alert) will have a "major recurring role" on the show's next season, its 111th. Isn't it weird that of all the 90210 kids, little David Silver is the one that works the most (and is married to Megan Fox)? Would you ever have expected that? It's so weird. Ya blew it, Garth. Ya really blew it. [Deadline]

Hm. Hot in Cleveland, TV Land's searing drama set against the backdrop of the great Cuyahoga river fires silly sitcom, has been renewed for a second season. They ordered 20 episodes! Which is a lot. And troubles me some. I'm just going to be blunt and say it. Betty White is 90 years old, almost. When the inevitable happens, which could be soon, how will HIC address it? Please tell me there won't be some teary VSE. I know it's morbid and cruel for me to bring up... but it's a fact. And she's really the only reason anyone's watching the show, right? It's just a lot of pressure to put on an old lady and a lot of pressure to put on a paper-thin TV series. I say no to this. I reject a second season of Hot in Cleveland. I'm sorry, Jane Leeves. I know I keep dicking you over, but it's not personal. (Well two times it was. You know why.) I just don't like the idea of this one bit. (Also the show is very, very not funny.) [THR]

Aha. Someone get the pills and pistols away from Colin Firth. His former almost lover Nicholas Hoult has been cast in the new X-Men prequel or whatever the shit that thing is. But! His strange-faced beauty will be all covered in blue fur. Yeah, he's playing Beast! Wait, was Beast born with blue fur or is there some tedious origin story? Urgh. You know what I'm sick of? Comic books. Or rather I'm sick of people being like "Ohh, everyone's into comic books these days, just ask these Hollywood bigwigs! Comic Con sure is big, let's do some trend stories about nerds and geeks who would know if Beast has an origin story. Yay black chunky glasses. Congratulations, we're awful." What was I saying? Oh yeah, the new X-Men movie is going t— Oh no!!! You weren't watching Colin! And now he's dead. Goddamnit. You have to explain this to that annoying anglophile from your literature class who loves him so. I'm not gonna do it. [Deadline]

Barry Levinson is gearing up to direct a movie about famed human rights activist Jack Healey. Fitting last name. "What's Jack like?" "Oh, you know. He always wants to fix the world. He's all healy." Get it? Jokes are good. Remember when Barry Levinson directed Sphere and Queen Latifah got eaten by a giant squid or jellyfish or something in it? That was too bad. This movie will not, I don't think, end quite the same way. (1998 movie spoiler alert.) Maybe the Little Mermaid movie will be like Sphere? [Variety]