The Week We Went to JailS

Let's take a look back at this dizzying post-holiday week. Starlets were cruelly imprisoned, Jesus appeared in a pornography magazine, and someone was excited to meet Sarah Palin.

Yes, Lindsay Lohan was sent to the gulag for 90 days this week. Why? Why is the justice system so unfair? Why did the judge forsake her so? Maybe they saw her adorable nail polish message? Or maybe they saw Herbie Fully Loaded. Maybe they didn't like the look of her face. Whatever the reason, she's going to jail. (Maybe.) You know who should be going to jail instead of her? Jake and Vienna. They are the worst.

Speaking of things that are the worst! A young woman has eluded the clutches of the World's Worst Person. Meanwhile, a man was very excited to meet another of the World's Worst People, Sarah Palin. Like, very excited.

Not as excited as the Emmy nominees though! Emmy Fever really did sweep the nation this week. The Fever plus the weather (plus Aaron Schock's hotrod hotbod) left us feeling hot. So hot we could fry an egg. Too bad we can longer escape to the air conditioned corridors of our local shopping mall. No, those are all dead. Sorry. No more of that. You'll just have to read the Sunday Styles section in your tiny apartment, sweltering to death. One thing that might help cool you down? Getting rid of that mullet. (It will also keep you out of Iranian jail.)

Look, boobs!! Jesus was in Portuguese Playboy looking at some boobs. And that Russian spy has boobs too. Yay boobs. Boo Mel Gibson. Boo Gwyneth Paltrow. Boo incest lemonade.

Most of all? Boo LeBron James. Boo Miami fans. And boo ESPN.

But to be fair, LeBron did have at least one good idea. Let's all move to Florida. (Or, barring Florida, Gay Island.)

Anyway. Enjoy this regular, non-holiday weekend. Be safe, be savvy, and don't end up in jail. Although if you did go to jail, you could make millions of dollars once you got out.

So, there's that.

[Image via Splash]