Extremely Tan Lawyer Vows to Keep Lindsay Lohan Out of Jail With Sewing Metaphors

Lindsay Lohan gets a new lawyer, and he talks funny. A bunch of weddings happened. The Situation's exercise DVD should be good. Gaga enrages Beatles fans by playing music. Sunday's Gossip Roundup is distracted by the upcoming World Cup final.

  • Lindsay Lohan's high-powered lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, quit because Lilo was a terrible client. Now she's got a new lawyer: Criminal defense attorney and extremely tan man Stuart V. Goldberg of Chicago. Will Goldberg be able to keep Lindsay from going to jail July 20th? He has an interesting strategy: "Instead of making her reactive, like a pin cushion, [we're going] to be proactive," he told TMZ. "We're gonna go after them." Yeah, Stuart V. Goldberg is going to prosecute the Judge for violating Lindsay's probation. The best defense is a good offense, or something. [TMZ]

  • Lindsay's case is certainly not helped by the fact that she is a prodigious doctor shopper—flying coast-to-coast to pick up extra pills from a a bunch of different docs. (She's prescribed Zoloft, trazodone, adderall, nexium and diluadid.) [TMZ]

  • British actress Emily Blunt got married to The Office star John Krasinski in Como, Italy. God, Pam is gonna be SO PISSED. [US Weekly]

  • Surprised it took this long, but Jersey Shore's The Situation is releasing a workout DVD. Sources tell Page Six it is an "intense total-body workout" with a "bonus abs" section. This could be the Sweatin' to the Oldies of our time. [P6]

  • Maybe you've heard about how Angelina Jolie got a sexy new inner-thigh tattoo to promote her new spy thriller SALT? Er. Wait, when asked about the tattoo she told MTV News "Ohh, it's for Brad." It is apparently a few words and is visible in her new Vanity Fair spread, but no one's been able to make it out. [X17]

  • Comedian Martin Lawrence also got married to his girlfriend, Shamicka Gibbs. Lawerence recently wrapped Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son so, get psyched. [People]

  • Dr. Phil has put his $16.5 million Beverly Hills mansion up for sale. For a guy who made his name doling out no nonsense relationship advice, his place is pretty absurd. [<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1293706/Dr-Phil-puts-The-House-That-Oprah-Built-market-16-5m.html"Daily Mail]

  • Sean Lennon tweeted a picture of Lady Gaga playing John Lennon's famous white piano and now a bunch of Beatles fans flipped out. Then Lennon tweeted a bunch of defensive tweet like "life's too short, there're enough real problems in the world…" To be fair, Beatles fans got equally upset when Lady Gaga was seen stoking militant anti-government sentiment, too. [Daily mail]

  • Charlie Sheen's domestic violence hearing for that 2009 Christmas attack has been postponed again. [NYDN]

  • Jessica Simpson is on the island of Capri with her new boyfriend Eric Johnson for her 30th birthday. There is a picture of her basically dry-humping Eric Johnson as confused beachgoers look on, apparently unaware that early July is peak mating season for big, dumb attractive humans. [Radar]

  • Bobby Spillane, son of famed New York mobster Mickey Spillane fell out of his sixth floor Hells Kitchen apartment and died yesterday. [NYDN]