The Way We Live Now: gracefully submitting to our new overlords. There's no use trying to fight it any longer. As our jobs disappear, our investors flee, and our populace falls victim to scams, one thing is clear: Canada rules.

The LA Times reveals what we all have been thinking: "Canada's economy can teach the U.S. a thing or two." That's right. Chew that one over. Suck its meaty flavor. Our humble neighbor to the north has not just one thing, but at least two, that it can teach us, econometrically.

Canada? They don't even have many machine guns per person up there. What in the world could they teach us? Well, they could teach us how to make maple syrup now that all of our census jobs are gone. They could teach our mom and pop shops how to stop falling victim to lottery scams. They can teach our small investors to stop fleeing the fucking stock market at every sign of trouble, which destroys their long-term returns. Money managers are optimistic about stocks, after all.

Probably Canadian money managers.

So grab your hockey stick, don your poutine hat, and make your way to our northern border, where all your fellow American will be kneeling prostrate before our new gods. If these Canadians can't save us, then we have to try Mexico. And then we have to try the ocean.