The Great Gay Hunk Mystery

A mystery hunk is gay. And he's going to announce it to the world on 90210. Also today: David O. Russell storms off another set, Sela Ward is given a gun and a badge, and Dustin Hoffman's new TV career.

Aw nuts. David O. Russell, the bellicose but talented writer-and-director of movies like Three Kings and I Heart Huckabees, has quit his latest project, the currently in production Nailed. Basically there was some boring backstage drama with producers and financiers that couldn't get resolved, so Russell walked away. Too bad! Now who will direct the comedy about Jessica Biel getting a nail shot into her head? That is what the movie is about! Don't you need to see that? I think most people need to see Jessica Biel getting a nail shot into her head. (On film! In fake movie life! Not in real life. I don't want Jessica Biel to get a nail shot into her head in real life.) The financiers say they're gonna find someone to finish the movie, but who knows. Maybe they'll do it themselves? "That looks neat. We'll use a star wipe here at the end and I like this Comic Sans font for the credits. What do you think? Ohh, let's play 'Free Fallin' somewhere toward the end. That's a great song. Or maybe 'Freebird.' Awesome." Meanwhile Russell is supposedly going to direct the movie version of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies starring Natalie Portman as a zombie, because she's so ugly like a zombie. [THR]

Mark Ruffalo continues his Cusackian quest to have one of the strangest careers in Hollywood. Rumor has it that he's in talks to join the big upcoming Avengers movie as The Hulk. Aha. You wouldn't like Mark Ruffalo when he's angry, because his sheepdog eyes will get sad and then he'll mumble something at you. I can't wait for the grotesque, strangely moving scene in which the Hulk accidentally seduces and old lesbian. "Hulk... like... Subaru..." [Deadline]

Fresh off her Modern Family success, Julie Bowen has landed two movie roles. She'll play Kevin Spacey's wife in Horrible Bosses, that comedy about some people who decided to kill Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Aniston one day. (And Jessica Biel too? Please??) She's also going to play a wedding planner in that Martha's Vineyard wedding movie, Jumping the Broom. So good for her. Did you know that she grew up very wealthy in Maryland and went to private schools and Brown and studied the Italian Renaissance? Just sort of interesting. I'm not sure why. Anyway. Julie Bowen, ladies and gentlemen. [Variety*]

Dustin Hoffman will be the star of a new HBO series! The network has picked up the Michael Mann-directed, David Milch-written Luck, a show about horse racing. HBO released a statement today saying "We are thrilled to be working with Sarah Jessica Parker again." OHHH HAHAHA, I'm sorry. That is terrible. But I had to. It was right there. I don't think you look like a horse, SJP. The joke has just taken on a life of its own. Sorry. ANYWAY. Hoffman's in it, as are Nick Nolte, Denis Farina, Kevin Dunn, Richard Kind, and one woman, Kerry Condon from Rome. One woman! And you know what her character is called on the show's IMDB page right now? "Exercise girl." So this one's for you, ladies. [THR]

OH. MY. GAWD. Do you know the new 90210 show that is so horrible it makes my face bleed and then that blood bleeds blood of its own? Well it's about to get GOOD. One of the three main dudes — there's Teddy Sexpin, Navid the Ethnic, and Teddy Sexpin 2: This One Has Brown Hair — is going to be a gay homosexual. Who, like, does things with other gay homosexuals. Zounds! And it's gonna be like a full-on coming out. He will be gay forever. That is exciting. And now I have to watch this fucking show. Oh curse you, ye CW gods! Dangle a gay plotline in front of my weak, stupid face and I eat it up like so many Bugles. (I just ate a bag of Bugles. Writing inspiration is all around you, students!) Aren't you thrilled? You are required to be thrilled. Oh, and, most importantly: Who will it be??? [EW]

Ring ring, Hell calling. We're making our next movie and we wanted to tell you about it. It's a thriller about middle-aged men and it stars Thomas Jane and Jeremy Piven. The devil hired a director named Mark Pellington who had this to say: "I am 48 and found a dearth of of films that speak to my life experience." Because there are no movies or anything about middle-aged white men, that is true. So that's the news from Hell. We hope you enjoy our movie that, once again, stars Jeremy Piven and is about middle-aged white men! [Deadline]

Oh, so I'm late to this, but whatever. Melina Kanaspellahername has quit CSI: New York because she didn't want to take a pay cut. Oh well. They've hired the delicious Sela Ward to replace her. In related replacement news, Gary Sinise has new legs. #importantforrestgumpjokes

*There is probably a whole post to be written about how every time Variety refers to Jumping the Broom they say it's a movie about African-American people getting married. I loved their reporting about Bride Wars when they were like, "The movie is about two white people getting married" every time they mentioned it. Oh wait.