Sherri Shepherd Is A Hooker, Twice

Evidently. She just got two movie roles... in the same movie. Also today: clap for Elizabeth Banks, clap for her! Betty White is going to be on your favorite TV program. And will Michael Scott find love?

Elizabeth Banks, an actress who veers wildly from likable to insufferable depending on the project, has been cast as magical clap-fairy Tinkerbell in a live-action romantic comedy called Tink. My guess is that it's probably just going to be an Enchanted rehash, with a little more SNARK, as is Banks' wont. Mostly all this means is that we can anticipate the gay porn spoof, Twink, about a magical fairy with the clap. It could star the guy from Oliver Twink. [Variety]

Will Steve Carell leave The Office with a lady love on his arm? Maybe! Amy Ryan, who is never not likable, will return to the show for a "sizable role" in the show's next season, which is going to be Carell's last. Look, as long as they play that Yaz(oo) "Only You" song that played in the British finale, I don't care how it ends. Will Pam go back to art class? Who cares! Will Dwight reconnect with Angela? Not a concern! Only you, Yaz(oo). Only you. [EW]

What's better than Sherri Shepherd? Two Sherri Shepherds! I have no idea what this means: "Sherri Shepherd has been cast in dual roles for the Katherine Heigl crime thriller "One for the Money" ... For both roles, she'll play prostitutes with hearts of gold." Hrm? Could someone who's read this book tell me if there are like twin gold-hearted prostitutes in the books? And is known flat-earther and moralist Sherri Shepherd really the right woman for the parts? This movie was already doomed from the get-go, what with the casting of the terrible Heigl Monster and all, but this just seals its fate even more. (Are there degrees of fate being sealed?) Here you go, America. A movie starring Katherine Heigl and Sherri Shepherd. Just what you deserve. Poor Stephanie Plum. Reduced to a promo segment on The View. "I don't see movies about prostitutes or empowered women." "Oh shut up, Elisabeth." "No! No! Freedom of speech! Carrie Prejean! No!" [Variety]

Late edition! Missed this yesterday. Betty White, a little old lady who controls all of Hollywood, will be guest-starring on the season premiere of Community, an unbearably smug television program that I cannot, despite repeated attempts, enjoy watching. Sorry! String me up! Crucify me! I don't like Community. I like most of the people involved, but the show just... Eh, I don't know. Enjoy your Community and your Betty White. Who am I to judge? Nobody. I'm gonna go back to staring out the window here so you can enjoy your program. [THR]

Seth Grahame-Smith, America's favorite adder of things to things that are already written, has been tapped by Warner Bros. to draft the latest script for Tim Burton and Johnny Depp's Dark Shadows movie. Dark Shadows With Werewolves? Dark Shadows With Ghouls? Uh oh, Grahame-Smith. Ya burnt. Dark Shadows already has all the supernatural baddies in it, so you can't add any! Good luck, son. [Deadline]