JP Morgan Had a House Made of Diamonds, and So Should YouS

The Way We Live Now: grabbing opportunities so tightly our fingers bleed, for they may be our last chance. Diamonds! China! Government jobs! Cozying up to the rich! Save me, JP Morgan! Save us all!

It's not "the go-go rah-rah age of wonder" any more. You can't just expect to walk down the street blindfolded and stumble over diamonds, these days. So when you get your hands on a stolen 68 carat canary yellow diamond, brother, you can be damn sure that you're not going to give it up without a fight. It's the same principle that applies when some bastard Ponzi scheming criminal gives your private school a hefty donation: never give anything back to its rightful owner, because you are the owner now, and your name ain't "rightful."

Unemployment in the Big Apple is dropping and growth in China is growing too fast for its own good, but don't let that fool you. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. It's opportunity, yo ho ho, etcetera and etcetera. When Steve Wynn walks into your real estate office and says he's looking for a nice little apartment, you better take him straight up the penthouse at The Plaza and lock him in the closet and feed his dog rat poison until he writes you a $24 million check. Because if you don't, somebody else surely will.

Try explaining that one to the kids. "Sorry honey, daddy could have made himself a nice little fortune by taking that city manager job that paid $800k even though the town was broke, but no. I had to 'follow my dream,' or something. I wanted to 'do my art,' and things like that."

Don't be a disgrace. You think JP Morgan Chase is some big evil bank full of big evil bastards? Maybe so. But they're making that money. Unlike some people I could name.

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