When he marries Bristol Palin next month, Levi Johnston will enter the most awkward family dynamic ever. Let us count the reasons Sarah Palin has to hate her son-in-law, with an exhaustive collection of Levi Johnston's cruelest quotes about Sarah.
Considering the epic amount of trash Levi has talked about his future mother-in-law's lies, greed, cruelty, and sex life, Thanksgiving at the Palin house is about to become really tense.
After the running, she had talked about how nice it would be to take some of this money people have been offering us and run with it. Saying forget everything else. —on Sarah's greed, to the Associated Press
Sarah told me she had a great idea: we would keep it a secret—nobody would know that Bristol was pregnant. She told me that once Bristol had the baby she and Todd would adopt him. —on the attempt to hide baby Tripp to Vanity Fair
Obviously, she's stressed out as governor, moving up to the president or vice-president is huge. I just don't think anymore that she's cut out for the job. —on Sarah's political fitness, to the Associated Press
Sarah didn't like me. I knew Todd didn't like me. So they were kind of betraying me at the same time, backstabbing me, putting on a front to me to make Sarah look good at the convention. —on the Palins' two-faced-ness on CBS' Early Show
After she got back she started talking about how nice it would be to quit and write a book or do a show and make "triple the money." It was, to her, "not as hard." —on why Sarah stepped down as governor, to Vanity Fair
There wasn't much parenting in that house. Sarah doesn't cook, Todd doesn't cook-the kids would do it all themselves: cook, clean, do the laundry, and get ready for school. —on the Palin family, to Vanity Fair
She hung around in her room a lot. I think she just wanted to be left alone for a while. She just went through a big depression, I think. She was bummed out bad. —on Sarah's post-election angst, to the Guardian
Special thanks to whippersnapper intern Liz Nadybal for seeking and destroying, one Levi quote at a time. [Image via Vanity Fair]