On Sunday, The New York Times took a jaunt to the Brooklyn neighborhood of Bushwick, and called it "arguably the coolest place on the planet." But is it really?
In this otherwise totally enjoyable and not-at-all-irritating article about "nine artistically inclined 20-somethings" and Cedar House, the Victorian manse they inhabit with their graphic designs and skateboards and irony, Times editor Constance Rosenblum writes that Bushwick is "arguably the coolest place on the planet."
But what does The New York Times know about cool?! I have been a cool person since at least 2007. I know all the cool stuff, like the newest slang words for genitals ("braithewaites"). To help you know what is cool, and what is not cool, I have compiled some easy lists, so you won't be fooled when you read that Times article:
Stuff The New York Times Thinks Is Cool
- Bushwick, Brooklyn
- People who are "artistically inclined"
- Drumming for Japanese bands
- Going to graduate school
- Working at Film Forum
- Contributing to The New Yorker
- Graphic designing
- Playing bass in punk bands
- Freelancing illustrating
- "Leather-bound copies of Balzac"
- Freelance art handling
- Assistant video editing
- Folk music
- Doing an art about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire
- Being a math genius
- Having a porch
- Living in a neighborhood with at least three murders
- Being written about by blogs
Stuff That Is Actually Cool
- Wearing sunglasses
- Saying swears
- Doing drugs