Are you a Texas resident who's tired of waiting in long lines to enter the Texas Capitol building in Austin? There's an easy solution: get a gun permit! Carrying a weapon will let you bypass metal detectors.
Earlier this year, after a shooting in the building, the Texas Capitol had annoying, Freedom-hating metal detectors installed at the entrance even though secessionist Governor Rick Perry fought hard against them. But there's a loophole for that, and, according to the AP, "Everyone from lobbyists to lawyers and journalists are rushing to get permits to carry guns inside the Texas Capitol, where legislators already often tote pistols in boots and purses or stow them away inside their desks." What a great idea! And really, who can blame them? As University of Texas political scientist Jim Henson puts it, "Nobody wants to be the one standing in line behind three hundred kids wearing the same colored T-shirt." No shit.
But there's really no reason to worry, because anyone who is able to get a gun permit must be a stable, sane person who would never want to shoot a politician. Lobbyist Michelle Wittenburg told the AP, "If you do have a CHL (gun permit) then that shows you have gone through a background check and you've been vetted, so to speak. I don't think those are the people that are going to cause your problems in the Capitol." Right on. You've really only got to worry about liberals and Mexicans causing problems. Good luck with all that, Texas.