Gwyneth Paltrow's Plot to Convert the Hamptons to KabbalahS

Gwyneth introduces her spiritual guru to boat shoes crowd. Mel Gibson is not actually moving to Australia. (But maybe he should.) The Situation is writing a book. Lindsay Lohan is still in denial about jail. Monday gossip wants to believe.

  • Gwyneth Paltrow is converting the Hamptons to kabbalah. Apparently she threw a party at the East Hampton home of Mets owner Richard Wilpon, and everyone was excited to get invited to a Gwyneth Paltrow party in a rich guy's house, but then—drat!—turns out it was a proselytizing party. Gwyneth introduced everyone to spiritual guru Eitan Yardeni: "The party was all about bringing kabbalah to the Hamptons. They plan to start some classes." [P6, image via Bauer-Griffin]

  • Lindsay Lohan still thinks she can get out of her jail sentence. You have one day left before you have to surrender yourself, LiLo—get a haircut and one last eyebrow wax—doomsday is night. [TMZ]

  • Lindsay's friends and family, at least, understand that this is their last chance to visit her. LiLo's eleventh hour visitors: Mother Dina, sister Ali, ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson, British fameball Lady Victoria Hervey (whom Lindsay befriended in Cannes, the trip that sealed her jailbird fate by forcing her to skip a court date), an assistant, and (obviously) her awyer. [AceShowBiz]

  • The Situation is writing a book. The Jersey Shore star's self-help book Here's the Situation will guide American men in their pursuit of washboard abs and artflly gelled hair. [P6]

  • Mel Gibson is not moving to Australia to hide from the seething hatred of everyone in America, after all. Rats. [NYPost]

  • Spencer Pratt says he chose fame over Heidi: "We love each other but I'm a famewhore... I want every kind of press. She believes in bad press. There's no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully." Oh, please. The lady's mutilated body is testament to her incessant love of fame. Everyone knows Heidi didn't divorce you, Spencer, she's in Europe filming a British reality series with Jen Bunney. [People]

  • "Brett Ratner Flirts With Four Women in Front of Date." When you're a Hollywood filmmaker, giving your number to a hot chick is "just business." [P6]

  • The fourth season of Celebrity Rehab has its cast: Rachel Uchitel (addicted to fame?), Janice Dickinson (platic surgery? booze? pills? all of the above?), Jason Wahler, Jeremy London (who apparently needs at least six months to kick his crack problem), Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis (cocaine?), and musician Leif Garrett. [Us, TMZ]

  • Billy Joel's exes ran into each other at the after-party for Dinner for Schmucks and were immediately sucked into a giant rift in the time-space-sex continuum. [P6]

  • Speaking of BIlly Joel's exes: Christie Brinkley's valet couldn't remember which car was hers and asked her to describe it. "I'm the one with the rack," she responded. Giggles all around. [P6]

  • Zsa Zsa Gabor was hospitalized yesterday after a fall broke her hip the night before. (Apparently she was watching Jeopardy and fell on her way to answer the telephone.) The 93-year-old actress will have her hip replaced today. Good luck and stay well, Zsa Zsa. [CNN, Popeater]