The Jersey Shore cast is on "strike" and won't film more episodes until they get more money. The producers say everyone on the show is expendable. What would our favorite guidos do if their gravy train comes to an end?
It makes sense that the boys and girls who got famous in Seaside Heights won't film a third season of the show this summer until their contract is renegotiated. They will make more money off appearances than they will filming more episodes of the most important sociological experiment of our time. Of course they're not thinking about the long-term career implications, they're thinking about making as much coin now as they possibly can. If they push things, sources close to TMZ say the producers will fire them and hire a bunch of new, cheaper show ponies. "The show is not about famous rich people with managers coming to the Shore," the source says.
Since these kids can't think about the future for themselves, here is what we think they should do in the event that MTV and 495 Productions (who makes the show) get up the balls to throw them and their duck phone to the curb.
The Situation: Maybe because he's the oldest, he seems to be doing the best thinking about his golden years. He's already started diversifying with his first single, a line of supplements, and a fitness book. It appears that MTV wants to keep him around for his own spin-off. That makes him like the Eric Neis of the cast. We can't wait to watch him host The Grind.
JWOWW: We have a feeling her exceptionally slutty clothing line won't take off (but, then again we should never underestimate the stupidity of American consumers). What else is she qualified for? Only one thing: Celebrity Boxing.
Ronnie: He should open a gym that is also a tanning salon and laundromat. That seems obvious, but we have a feeling that plenty of people would be up for it. If he hires a wacky staff, there might even be a "workplace" reality show in it for him. We suspect his gym will also have a "juice bar," if you know what we mean.
Sammi: She should become a schoolteacher, because that's probably what she would have done if this whole reality thing never happened anyway. But not just any school teacher, she should get a job at an inner city district where she is tough and loving enough to really reform the neglected students. Think Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. If she does really well, she can sell the rights to her story and they'll make it into a movie. Well, probably a Lifetime movie, but that way they can probably get Coolio to do the soundtrack too.
Vinny: We see law school in his future. Then a few years working for a decent firm before he runs for the U.S. House of Representatives from his native Staten Island. After several terms, he will then run for Senate and win. Shit, wouldn't you vote for Vinny for Senate? He will be the center of a scandal that accuses him of drinking too much and having sex with hookers, but it will be so expected that no one will care and he will continue to serve a long, long time in office and will be remembered as the next generation's Ted Kennedy.
Snooki: America would watch the fuck out of her proposed reality show Snookin' for Love. Why hasn't someone made this happen yet? There's also a million-dollar idea in Snookles. Yes, Snooki's own gourmet line of pickles. She's better to look at than that silly stork with the glasses and we would buy just about anything at Whole Foods with a reality star's face on it. She'll be crunching all the way to the bank.
DJ Paulie D: DJ Paulie D could conceivably have a decent career as a DJ. Well, people don't really care so much about what music he plays, but it makes more sense to hire him because it's like paying him an appearance fee and you actually get some work out of him. How do you think Samantha Ronson has been surviving all these years? Once that dries up, we know he has a penis piercing, so maybe he can become an Australian bartender.
Trash Bags: Oh, who cares.
[Top Image via Bauer-Griffin]