Dear Children, Please Leave Plastic Surgery for the Olds

Charice, the 18-year-old Filipino singer, is preparing for her role in the upcoming season of Glee not by practicing her singing or dancing, but by getting Botox and other treatments. This is really dumb.

Charice (she's the one holding the birthday cake with her name on it, stupid) not only got Botox injected into her barely matured face, but also had a "skin tightening treatment" to make her "naturally round face" look more narrow. She says she had the procedures to "look fresh" on the show. (Now her rep says it was for a jaw problem). OK, young lady, you are 18. Your face is the very definition of fresh. It couldn't get any fresher if it was a glob of stem cells attached to your neck. And now you want to go messing with the natural beauty of youth—something you will never be able to attain again—by injecting your face with shit? Not only is this illogical, but it's also going to have the opposite effect of "looking fresh."

In young women, plastic surgery makes them look old. Yes, it does. Why? Because no matter how good it is (and most of it isn't so good that we don't notice it), plastic surgery always carries with it the connotation of age. Just look at Heidi Montag. Actually, don't look at Heidi Montag, because you might go blind, but conjure up the mutilated Frankenstein face of hers. Not only does she look like an alien, but she looks like an ancient alien. Why? Because we're used to seeing faces that mangled by technology on the likes of Joan Rivers and Jocelyn Wildenstein, women who are decades older than young Heidi.

The same thing goes for Charice, who will already look young compared to her rival on the show Lea Michele, who is six years her senior. In fact, Charice is the only actress on the show actually young enough to still be in high school. That alone should give her a leg up in the "fresh" department. But no, now her face is going to be all weird and paralyzed like she's the Asian Nicole Kidman. Know what Nicole Kidman is? She's old! Actually, she's not that old. She's only 43, but because her face has the wrinkle-free paralysis that is so often associated with Botox, we think she's a lot older than she really is.

While a little nip and tuck might be able to fool the cameras and some people from far off, as soon as we distinguish those scars behind the ears, we know you are fucking ancient. If I were a Hollywood actress entering my later years, I wouldn't get any plastic surgery done. Know why, that will make you look younger. When everyone sees you start to sag they'll think, "Oh, she can't be that old. She hasn't had any surgery yet!" Maybe one day that will actually happen. Maybe. Naw, who am I fooling. The future looks more like a 6 year-old with a brow lift.

[Image via AP]