Today Is the Day Lindsay Lohan Goes to JailS

Lohan's day of surrender is nigh, and she has no lawyer and is tweeting sad little "eeeks." Oksana Grigorieva walked away from $15 million. Enrique Iglesias photographs his junks. Tuesday gossip is full of foreboding.

  • Lindsay Lohan will surrender herself to prison today in a hearing at the Beverly Hills Superior Court, but she has no lawyer. Robert Shapiro—the O.J. defender who was supposed to save her—quit. He had previously said he'd only defend Lindsay if she agreed to go to jail and do everything by the book; does his quitting mean LiLo has something illegal planned? Is she going to pull a Roman Polanski and flee to Europe? Did she tamper with her SCRAM and have a blow-out boozy pre-jail festival? Or is his quitting a ruse to buy Lindsay more time? (Maybe she can appeal that something went wrong with her representation?) Or is she such a pain-in-the-ass that nobody can represent her for longer than a couple weeks at a time? [TMZ, image via Getty]

  • Meanwhile, LiLo is (reasonably) terrified to go to jail. She's tweeting her "eeeks" and "has not been able to sleep and has barely been eating. All weekend, Lindsay kept crying, chain smoking, and chewing her nails." This is bad news because she'll have to kick nicotine while in prison—no smoking allowed at the jail she's going to. "She is a nervous, fidgety mess, and her legal team, family, and friends are very concerned about her fragile state." [@lindsaylohan, People, People]

Today Is the Day Lindsay Lohan Goes to JailS
  • As for Lindsay's coming incarceration, she will stay in a "special module where solitary inmates are held," will be allowed to exercise three times a week and to shower every other day. [TMZ]

  • When she gets out of jail, full-frontal nudity for Linda Lovelace biopic Inferno awaits her. Keeping busy! How much you want to bet LiLo's incarceration becomes a selling point for this movie? "In her rawest role yet, right after getting out of prison, Lindsay Lohan's harrowing journey to portray an abused rape victim..." [Radar]

  • A fan asked Enrique Iglesias to take a picture. He pulled open his pants and took a picture of his junk. [TMZ]

  • Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston finally got around to denying that they "signed up for a reality show." They have, however, entertained several pitches. [Us]

  • Contrary to reports, 18-year-old Filipino singer Charice (who will be in Glee) did not get Botox for cosmetic purposes. It was "to relieve a jaw problem similar to TMJ." Phew. [Us]

  • Britney Spears' child abuse case has officially been closed. Bullet dodged! Back to the Cheetoh-mobile. [Radar]

  • Apparently Oksana Grigorieva signed a deal that would award her $15 million if she never released Mel Gibson's abusive phone recordings. Given the fact that "I will burn the goddamn house down, but you will blow me first" is now in the public vernacular, it appears Oksana walked away from the deal—whether for justice, vengeance, or an even bigger payday is unclear. Also, her new lawyer is Mark Lane, America's foremost authority on JFK conspiracy theories. His main task will be to prove the admissibility of the tapes in court, where they may get thrown out. [TMZ, TMZ]

  • Jenny McCarthy and Valerie Bertinelli have scrapped their plans to host talk shows: "They thought it would be a few hours a day. They didn't realize launching a talk show is 24/7 work for months." America, you have narrowly avoided Autism Denial Daily with Jenny McCarthy. Thank your lucky stars. [P6]

  • "Diaz Keeps Head Down at Yankee Bash." Is that a blowjob joke? Now that Cameron Diaz is dating Alex Rodriguez, she has to play it cool to fit in with the cliquish world of Yankee wives: "Cameron doesn't cling to A-Rod like Kate Hudson, whose front-row antics didn't go down well with the wives. Cameron kept it low-key and hung with the girls." [P6]

  • Rachel Uchitel's role on Celebrity Rehab will revolve around kicking her pill addiction (which some say she invented for the show) and also "fighting the urge to keep her hands off her latest crush, Dr. Drew Pinsky." What a great premise for a TV show: Send a sexy man to help a sex addict with flirtation. Meanwhile, Donald Trump doesn't want Rachel for Celebrity Apprentice now that she's on Rehab. [TMZ, TMZ, TMZ]

  • Increasingly famous heiress alert: Lou Dobbs' 22-year-old Harvard grad daughter is the youngest rider on the horse show circuit ever to win a million dollars. There is a certain kind of 12-year-old girl for whom Hillary Dobbs' life (millionaire horse-riding heiress champion) is the ultimate dream. [P6]