The Way We Live Now: for the bank. Whereas formerly we only ordered the financial aspects of our lives with an eye towards impressing bankers, now we do everything to impress bankers. They're so influential!

Were you thinking about starting a family? Don't do it! Bankers don't like that. You'll never get a mortgage after you become pregnant.

Bankers will tell you when it's time to take that condom off. Ladies.

Are you unemployed? Don't be! You never know when or if those rascally Congresspersons will decide to extend unemployment aid. Not until the bankers say they can, that's for sure!

The "bankers" are your American neighbors, who hate you.

Bankers have their own problems, you know. When they're not running your life, they have to deal with things like quarterly profits of only $600 million and change. How would you like to try running a business on that kind of austere income?

The bank does not really want you to answer that.

"Mega-banks" are society's most important institutions, so it's only right that they run things, and then the smaller banks tell the little people such as yourself what to do, and the little people such as yourself elect the politicians, with the bank's approval, and then those politicians help out the mega-banks, and this is what economists call "the econometrical cycle." This is how everyone feels "important," here in America.

The bankers understand if you get upset. The bankers understand if you get mad. The bankers even understand if you snap and decide to rob a bank. All the bankers ask is that you bring them some flowers when you do so. We need to keep this relationship alive. [Photo via]