ITEM: Three suspects have been arrested in connection with Tuesday's murder of 21 year-old college student Katsutoshi Takazato at his home in ritzy Beverly Hills. The home was owned by "Fuminori Hayashida, a producer of several movies released in the 1990s." Police haven't released the names of the suspects, but they have released one piece of information that should calm everyone down: the suspects were not from Beverly Hills.
ITEM: Last week in Waterbury, Connecticut, a 19 year-old man took a stroll with a 16 year-old girl on the grounds of deserted and long-dormant Christian theme park Holy Land USA. There, underneath a large cross, he raped and murdered her. Now, some Waterbury residents are wondering whether this spooky weed-choked carcass of a Bible playland is really a great thing to have around, after all. Jesus.
Of course, it takes three incidents to make a trend. As long as no one is murdered at Chuck E. Cheese or in a convent for the remainder of the week, we may be able to chalk this up to simple tragedy.