Old Lawyers Are Taking All the Lawyer Jobs

How come law degrees are becoming more worthless every day? Because new law school grads can't find jobs. Why can't they find jobs? Because bitter old coot lawyers are clinging onto their offices for dear life. A vicious legal circle!

We find trends concerning the downfall of lawyers to be satisfying, and trends indicative of the legal community accruing more power to be alarming. So we are left confused by the latest trend identified by the WSJ: old lawyers who won't get the hell out of their offices. Sure, their elderly intransigence means that younger lawyers can't advance up the law firm partner chain, which is good, because maybe that will drive them to quit and get a more fulfilling job; then again, it means that old, already-wealthy attorneys are just piling up more money, for doing jack shit.

Take, for example, the case of 79 year-old attorney Eugene D'Ablemont, who doesn't have the good sense to hang up his briefcase and spend the remainder of his years cavorting with highly-paid young female escorts. Instead, he just wants to keep on being a lawyer. He even got the EEOC to sue his own law firm for age discrimination, for telling him, hey, Eugene, you're great and all, but we need the office space, so why don't you go cavort with some paper-chasing young women for a while, our treat? (CONVERSATION IMAGINARY). The upshot: Eugene's still at work, even though his own firm is trying to stab him in the back.

The firm also alleges-and Mr. D'Ablemont denies-that "for certain of the clients he now purports to claim credit for, he does little, if anything" beyond "preparing and sending them a bill."

Sounds like a competent lawyer to me. Carry on, old coots. At least you're keeping young people out of those hellholes.

[WSJ. Pic: Shutterstock]