Another Disney Ride Becomes a Movie

Sort of for the second time. Also today: Comic Con news from Joss Whedon, two movie stars want to work with Hilary Swank for some reason, TV shows shuffle their actors, and Justin Bieber is involved in a murder.

Rotund fantasyman Guillermo del Toro recently dropped out of directing the upcoming Hobbit movie, but reassured depressed fans that he was working on another big thing. Well, he's revealed that big thing at the 40th annual San Diego Funyun Stink Festival Comc Con. del Toro will be directing... a movie version of the Disneyland/world Haunted Mansion ride! Yeah, another ride movie! What's that, you're saying, Funyuns crumbling down your shirt, eyes glassy and red from spending all night programming a new WoW/hentai mashup video game? Didn't Eddie Murphy already star in Haunted Mansion a few years ago? Yes, yes he did. But this one will not be a comedy. It will be a (kiddie) spookfest. "We are not returning Eddie Murphy's calls," del Toro said to the crowd, who whooped and hollered and farted giddily into their skid-marked Admiral Ackbar underoos. Yay, everyone. [EW]

Scruffy grizzlebears Josh Brolin and Matthew McConaughey are both possible costars for Hilary Swank in Dreams of a Dying Heart, a movie that has Swank as a veteran who returns home only to "witness strange goings on." What those strange goings on might be I don't know. "What do you mean Annette Bening won the Oscar in 2000?? That doesn't sound right..." "Wait, she won again in 2005? No, I'm sure that can't be right!" Strange goings on indeed. [Deadline]

More Comic Con news! Buffy creator Joss Whedon has officially confirmed that he will be directing the Avengers movie. Just to be clear, this isn't a sequel to that Uma Thurman/Ralph Fiennes hot mess. This is the superhero one with all the different superheroes teaming up to save the world from supervillains. I think it's like Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson and Mark Ruffalo and Scarlett Johansson maybe and Robert Downey Jr. maybe and who knows who else. It's a lot of people. This is good, though, because Joss Whedon is good. He also told the audience that his shelved horror movie Cabin in the Woods is finished but awaiting news from MGM, which has stopped releasing anything until they figure their money shit out. (This means we might never see that Red Dawn remake, sigh.) So that's the Jossip! [THR]

Hm. Martin Scorsese and Terrence Winter might be headed back to HBO already. The Boardwalk Empire team is rumored to be in talks with the network about developing, with partner Mick Jagger, a sweeping epic series about the history of popular music over the last forty years or so. That could be great! But really, what's the point? Just go see a production of Tom Stoppard's Rock 'n' Roll. That's really all you need to do. It's so good. Just so, so good. [Deadline]

Speaking of the history of rock 'n' roll, the thing all of it was working towards, pop child star-elf Justin Bieber, will be guest starring on the season premiere of CSI as a troubled teen. A troubled Canadian teen? I wish he was on CSI: Miami instead of CSI: Regulahz, because watching master lesbian Bieber spar with master thespian David Caruso would be like watching the moon and the sun do battle. Ah well. At least CBS will have the most teen girl viewers ever! "Arthur... what's happening...???" some old lady will scream, clutching at her husband as her beloved CBS turns pink and Blingee. [EW]

Hm. The show Shit My Dad Says, about shit that a guy's dad didn't actually say, has recast the role of the son. Gone is Ryan Devlin who looks like this, and in is Jonathan Sadowski, who looks like this. So I guess they were looking for someone a little more evil looking? Eh, doesn't really matter. It's probably only a few-episode gig anyway. [Variety]