The Week We Brought It On Ourselves

This week we reported on some incidents that happened involving a certain internet message board and entered into a battle with said message board. Let's see how it all shook out.

So we told you about this little girl who was mean on the internet and then the internet was mean to her. Our telling you about this caused the internet to attack us! First unsuccessfully then, sigh, successfully. So who won in the end? Maybe us? (Probably not us.) Definitely not this guy.

Another battle raged this week, between angry roly-poly bug Andrew Breitbart, the White House, and this not-racist lady. "Oops!", said the White House. "Grrr," said Rush Limbaugh, who had nothing to do with this. Basically everyone was embarrassed and the lady might not want her job back anyway. Well done, everybody.

Also doing well is Lindsay Lohan, who headed to jail this week. Send her a postcard, won't you? Or send her a book! People like to read in prison. Maybe Meghan McCain's new tome? Or why don't you just send these guys to jail to keep Lindsay company.

You know who's fun to laugh at? M. Night Shyamalan. He is just so fun to laugh at. Not as fun to laugh at? Donkeys being thrown out of planes. Speaking of things falling out of planes, it's raining weed! Imagine how much Kush could fit in this monster secret plane. Al Gore Jr. would be so stoked about that, brah.

Everyone was deteriorating this week. Old people are clogging our city with their withered near-corpses. Poor Glenn Beck might be going blind. And the housewives of New Jersey are unraveling further into madness. We can't even fart like normal people anymore. It's enough to make you want to get in your horse and buggy and ride til you can't ride no more.

Maybe we could take our buggies over to Mel Gibson's house. Or perhaps to the coolest place on Earth. Yes, that's right, we said "cool." It's not that hot, guys. You know what is hot? Some good Google CEO mistress sex.

OK, that's it. If that wicked message board starts spreading rumors about us, we will refudiate all claims. (Is that how you use that beautiful word?)

Happy weekends!