Angelina Jolie Joins Twitter, and Other MiraclesS

@AngelinaJolie doesn't have followers yet—who will be the first? Paris Hilton denies doing a Nazi salute. Justin Bieber's life saved by a Segway. Ke$ha has a spanking fetish. Tuesday gossip is one tweet away from your best friend.

  • Angelina Jolie has joined Twitter. Repeat: The sexiest woman alive is now available for @-tweet. Someone else was using @AngelinaJolie, so Angie requested the account, then took it over. So far her account is locked and she has zero tweets and zero followers. (Bio: "This account has been locked. NO followers are currently being accepted.") But she plans to start tweeting "later this year," about "charity-related items or sharing links," according to an "insider." Prediction: Jolie tweets will be to charity what the "Colbert bump" is to publishing. [Us, @AngelinaJolie, image via Pacific Coast News]

  • Angelina Jolie Joins Twitter, and Other MiraclesParis Hilton denies pulling a Jesse James and posing for a Nazi salute while holding a finger over her lip like a Hitler mustache. She was scratching her face while doing a dance move, her publicist says. Haven't you seen that new dance craze, the Funky Sieg Heil? Between this and yesterday's topless photos, she's poised to win the triple crown of summer scandals. All she needs now is to topple a third-world nation by banging its leader on night-vision camcorder. [DailyMail]

  • Linda Hogan is engaged to her 21-year-old boyfriend, who went to school with daughter Brooke, who is one year older than he is. Linda and Charlie Hill will wed next summer on Linda's yacht, the "Alimoney." Yes, that is how she spells it. [Popeater]

  • Taylor Momsen wore her stripper shoes again. Last time she wore them, there was only one dollar in the "tips" slot. This time, there was lots of cash. [DailyMail]

  • Here's a video of Justin Bieber fleeing a throng of screaming girls on a Segway, if you're into that sort of thing. [Vulture]

  • Are Kourtney Kardashian and boyfriend Scott Disick are manufacturing drama, or is this real? (Do Kardashians know the meaning of "real"?) Scott gets a bad rap on their TV show, so Kourtney tweeted, "My Scott is not a monster." (Who called him a monster? I thought the criticism was just "douche." Then again, he does resemble Christian Bale in American Psycho, but is it a monster if it is also sexy?) Then they made a scene acting icy at a Southampton eatery, only to deny the awkwardness. [DailyMail, P6]

  • Newlyweds Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are back from their Caribbean honeymoon (how many Pirates of the Caribbean jokes do you think he weathered?) and showed off Miranda's wedding and engagement rings. [DailyMail]

  • A polo star (as in, ponies and mallets) has made a play for equestrian daughter of our billionaire mayor's heart! (Maybe.) Dashing Nick Roldan was "particularly attentive" to Georgina Bloomberg after a fall frm a horse broke her foot. This could become the snootiest romance of our time—make it happen, you two! [P6]

  • Lady Gaga revisited a Texas saloon she played when she was a struggling unknown, way back in 2008. (Unlike most rises to fame described as "meteoric," this one actually was.) The cowboy hat-wearing owners thought she was kind of weird then, and probably do now, too, but posed for a picture with the pantless Gaga nonetheless. [DailyMail]

  • A rift in the time-space continuum—up is down, left is right—Heidi Montag has given up a reality show. She's dropped out of the European buddy show she and Playboy playmate Jen Bunney were spposed to do together. Is this another fame gambit, or is young Heidi actually adrift? Jen is giving interviews (duh) saying Heidi "didn't directly tell me." Meanwhile, Us helpfully accompanies this article with a photo of the duo pre-plastic surgery, which is like looking at two totally different people. [Radar, Us]

  • In a new interview, Ke$ha equates "trannies" with "freaks." She meant it as a compliment. She also describes her love for DIY safety pin tattoos and shares her no-fail pick-up method: "send him over a shot of whiskey and then spank him." [Paper]