How to Not Cuss on Wall Street

After its executives were forced to listen to a US senator read the words "shitty deal" from a company email one million times, Goldman Sachs has decided to ban swearing via email. Whatever shall they do now?

OLD: "That was one shitty deal."
NEW: "That deal was excellental—or should I say excremental?"

OLD: "All those Morgan Stanley guys are huge cocksuckers."
NEW: "All those Morgan Stanley guys are monumental vagina-gobblers."

OLD: "If my secretary was any more of a bitch I'd throw her out the god damn window."
NEW: "Executive assistant appreciation day? Not this year, my dear."

OLD: "Jesus Christ, when I get outta here I'm getting so many fucking whores."
NEW: "Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene are both important figures in Christianity. That's neither here nor there."

OLD: "Fuck these fucking motherfucking motherfuckers."
NEW: "Oh, poo."