How to Tell If You're a PlagiaristS

Disturbing word from the halls of academia: kids these days don't know what the hell plagiarism is. All the internet copying and pasting has frazzled their young brains to the point of incomprehension. Kids! An easy guide is below.

According to the New York Times, college kids can't even walk five paces in a straight line and repeat their own name, metaphorically, when it comes to putting citations on their dumb college papers. Do I need to cite the internet? Am I required to admit that all of my term papers are essentially very lightly rewritten expansions of Wikipedia entries? Print out the following Guide to Plagiarism and put it in your Trapper Keeper, and pass it on to your children one day, if "colleges" still exist, in the future.

1. DID YOU WRITE IT? [Yes/ No]

2. DID YOU CITE IT? [Yes/ No]

ANSWER KEY

If you answered Yes, No, you are an honest student.
If you answered No, Yes, you are an honest student.
If you answered No, No, you are a plagiarist.
If you answered Yes, Yes, that doesn't even make sense.

ACADEMIC INTEGRITY: "Cool," since before the internet was even a thing.

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