Only Pseudoscience Can Save America From Obesity

In the last three years, the ranks of the American obese have grown by 2.4 million people. This, despite greater access to magical butt-toning shoes than ever before. If only there were another corporate behemoth to motivate us, technomagically?

Reebok promised American women that its Easytone shoes would make their buttocks as firm and shapely as the finest canned hams; alas, it clearly has not worked out. But—oh ho!—now comes Nike, to the rescue, with its ad for a different kind of shoe!

"The Nike Trainer One is not a magical toning shoe. It's a training shoe. Its Diamond FLX technology activates your muscles to work how they're supposed to, giving you faster results from all those squats, lunges, and classes that you do. So you get fit faster."

Yes, if you are not wearing "Diamond FLX technology," your muscles will not "activate" properly. Unfortunately, everything in that ad after the word "shoe" is bullshit. Just a different kind of bullshit from Reebok's bullshit. You don't squat with your shoes, America. [Adfreak]