This week on Big Brother, one show-mance targeted another leaving Hayden and Kristen to fight for their lives. Let's remember their last week together—tie-dyed unitards, solitary confinement and all—and have one more look at the way they were.
After Andrew's big show-mance reveal before his eviction and Rachel's second Head of Household win last week, all hell broke loose in the backyard. America's favorite Vegas cocktail waitress/chemist continued her power trip, started during her first run at HOH, prancing around pant-less and full of hate. Instead of celebrating, she declared war on the floaters remaining in the game singling our Kristen, a move that screamed of straight up jealousy and resulted in self-proclaimed Queen Bee Rachel getting the verbal ass-whooping of the year courtesy of our resident Philadelphia native and high-waisted pants aficionado.
After things calmed down a bit—and after the weekly obligatory Brendon and Rachel "us-against-the-world" pity party—Rachel shrilly announced it was time to see her new HOH bedroom! As per Big Brother's instructions, everyone ran upstairs to see all of her new treats and to kiss more ass than ever—everyone except for Kristen, that is. Sticking to her convictions and making sure that Rachel knew exactly how she felt about her, Kristen flatly refused to play the same ruse everyone else was. To that we say "Rock on, Kristen!" Because, really, who wants to have to put this much energy into pretending to like someone:
[There was a video here]
We would have mock hanged ourselves too, Britney. We would have mock hanged ourselves, too.
All that posturing seemed to work, however, because when it came time for Rachel to nominate two house guests for eviction she stuck the rival show-mance on the block. To that we ask, was anyone really surprised by this one? Big Brother is like Highlander when it comes to show-mances. There can only be one.
When the veto competition came around, the entire backyard was turned into a giant pinball game. The six competitors were dressed to the nines in their best bargain basement wizard costumes—get it?—and battled it out for everything from a 3D TV, $5,000 and the coveted power of Veto. Unfortunately for both couples at war this week it was our favorite floater Britney who took control of the veto, leaving Rachel with the cash, Enzo with the TV, and Kristen and Hayden with 24 hours in solitary confinement and one week in a tie-dyed unitard respectively.
So, let's assess. Hayden and Kristen are on the block together. They don't win the power of veto. Kristen is stuck in spandex for a week. Hayden is locked in a bedroom for an entire day with a toilet and stale baguettes. Could things get any worse? Oh, wait. And Britney decided—after many backroom deals and trips to the HOH bedroom to confer with Rachel—not to use the power of veto leaving the two lovebirds to face the music.
In the end, Kristen got what Rachel deserved—she was sent home in a polyester wig and a tie-dyed unitard. We can only hope that in the weeks to come Britney, the Brigade, and everyone else left in the game makes the moves necessary to break up Rachel and Brendon before we're subjected to any more shouting in the diary room, make out sessions under the covers and declarations of "love" that just make us want to vomit a little bit. As always, remember to tune in Sunday and Wednesday night to find out who wins tonight's endurance HOH competition, to see who he/she decides to put up for eviction, and who will win the coveted power of veto. Though really, you should tune in to see how much of a blunder this new "Pandora's Box" twist will end up becoming.
And in case the next seven days are too long and you miss us too much, take solace in the fact that we'll miss you too almost as much as Kristen and Hayden missed each other.
[There was a video here]