A man has been accused of spraying bottled semen onto the backs of shoppers in Maryland. And then taking pictures. As one resident put it: "Oh, that's nasty. Oh, that's really not good. That's disgusting."
What's long and hard and full of semen? No, no, not a submarine: The answer is, "the bottle that Michael Edwards Jr. allegedly used to squirt semen on the backs of shoppers in Gaithersburg, Maryland."
Edwards, pictured, is said to have walked up behind a woman in a Giant store and sprayed a liquid on her back before taking a photo. I like to imagine what happened next as a scene in C.S.I.:
SCENE: Hi-tech black-lit CSI lab. GIL and CATHERINE examine the substance to BOOMING TRIP-HOP SOUNDTRACK. The CSIs exchange KNOWING LOOKS.
CHIEF MARK SROKA, GAITHERSBURG CITY POLICE: "The investigation revealed that that substance was in fact human semen."
He's alleged to have pulled the same stunt on a woman at a craft store. A craft store! There may be more victims out there, too. Edwards, for his part, is free on a $4,000 bond, so, you know, watch your back.