Have you flown lately? You don't remember, do you? You were too drunk. That's not just a troubling sign of your creeping alcoholism; it's also a business plan for the entire airline industry!
So far—and this is not to say they're giving up, you know, they're still maintaining a positive mental attitude—airlines have not found any success trying to make money by selling tickets to people who want to be flown places. That's just a losing business. And they've added fees for your checked luggage, and fees for headphones, and fees for seats that recline properly, and still they can't seem to find the ever-elusive profit. New plan! Get you all fucked up, and maybe you'll drop your wallet.
Chicago's Department of Aviation last week agreed to allow bars at O'Hare and Midway to stay open up to 24 hours a day and authorized licenses for as many as 17 stationary pushcarts to sell beer and wine around the clock.
The airport is now *the* spot of choice for desperate alcoholics in Chicago at 3 a.m. Have enough booze and maybe you'll want to fly to Vegas, where they're installing a liquor store in the baggage claim area. Sounds like a well-thought-out plan with little potential for disaster.