Katherine Heigl Monster Attacks, Devours Beloved Old Actress

It's true, and the old biddy didn't even see it coming. Also today: casting news about some smaller-time actors that is still pretty interesting, the Family Guy guy goes all earnest on us, and some thoughts on David E. Kelley.

Ol' Gil Gristle, bearded crime scene muller-over from Las Vegas, has found a new role. Yes, William Petersen has landed his first post-CSI gig and it's an interesting project. He'll play a Vietnam vet history teacher who gets in trouble for showing his class a movie with gay content in Detachment, a high school-set movie from American History X director Tony Kaye. The cast also includes Lucy Liu, Christina Hendricks, Marcia Gay Harden, Bryan Cranston, Adrien Brody, and James Caan. That is a good group of actors. Plus, Lucy Liu! Kaye hasn't done much since X, and his most recent film, the crime drama Black Water Transit (with an equally intriguing cast) still hasn't been released yet. So who knows. All I can say for sure is that if CSI lead actors are doing new projects involving guys named Kaye, David Caruso had better be putting together his long dreamed-of Danny Kaye biopic. [THR]

Ethan Hawke has landed an exciting post-Daywalkers role. He'll play a violinist in A Late Quartet. Here, read the description of his character: "Hawke will portray the second violinist whose desire for more solos leads him to have an affair with his jogging partner." Oh, yeah, that makes total sense. "Man I want more solos. Guess I better sleep with that person I jog with." That's how you get things done in the music world, guys. "Jeez, my oboe career has really stalled. I should probably blow my optometrist, huh?" It's a fun, always accurate game to play! "Fiddlesticks, no one needs a timpani player this season. Time to fingerbang my son's guidance counselor." And so on. [Variety]

Professional asshole Christopher McDonald has landed a role on David E. Kelley's latest zany!! lawyer show, Harry's Law, about Kathy Bates folding her arms and shaking her head a lot. McDonald will play yet another asshole who does asshole things, assholishly. Sigh. The tagline on the show's IMDB page says: "A group of misfit lawyers form an unconventional firm." I can't believe that David E. Kelley's is abandoning form like that! What a daring artistic adventurer he is! Goodness. I swear, if Kathy Baker shows up or if the show is set in Boston I will declare David E. Kelley the most inventive man in showbiz. [EW]

As Taraji P. Henson, an actress who looks so much like a best friend from college it's eerie, makes her way through her career she's hitting all the necessary notes: smaller, Oscar-nominated drama part, bland mom role in blockbuster, and now an inspirational sports movie! She'll be starring in a movie based on the life of the first female head coach of a NCAA Division 1 team. (Don't worry though, it's just golf. It's not a real sport. Sheesh! Had ya scared there for a second, didn't I? Anyway, let's go retire for cigars and brandy.) So good for Jackie! I mean Taraji. [THR]

You know how sometimes old people mean well and think they're doing something good and fun, but really they're headed toward horrible danger? Like when they try to take the bus to the library and end up lost in the bad part of town? Or when they innocently take a fun sassy old lady part in a movie, completely unaware that their costar is the terrible Katherine Heigl devil monster? Well, that latter thing has just happened to poor Debbie Reynolds, who has signed on to One for the Money, starring the beast. The former scenario has maybe happened too, but I kind of doubt it. I can't really see Debbie Reynolds ever really wanting to go to a library, y'know? Maybe a dance hall or a gin joint. Maybe that. Ah well, doesn't matter now. She'll soon be devoured by Heigl, those wonderful Singin' dancin' bones crunched by terrible jaws. [Deadline]

Hahaha. Seth MacFarlane, billionaire college prankster-man from Family Guy, is releasing an album of singing. Like him, Seth MacFarlane from Family Guy, earnestly singing old standards with a full orchestra. Yeah, yeah, I know he does it on the show all the time and has performed in London and New York, but... Ha. It kinda makes me like him more. But also makes him extremely weird and a little vain(er) maybe? Who knows. I'm just gonna leave it there. Goodnight everyone. [Variety]