Alas, Snooki Promises to Cut Down on Her Drinking

Snooki's about to get a lot more boring. Spencer Pratt spent seven grand on strippers. Lady Gaga wears another outrageous outfit! Joe Biden meets a guy in an Obama mask. Saturday's Gossip Roundup is undiscovered country. Let's explore.

  • Snooki was recently arrested for disorderly conduct. Now she says that has inspired her to cut back on her drinking, because her dad chastised her. "My dad was very, very pissed," she told People. "I just felt really bad, so I'm definitely going to stop drinking during the daytime." Great, so the next season of Jersey Shore is just going to be her and JWOWW playing Mancala while puffing bubble pipes in a sunflower field. Actually, imagine a completely sober Jersey Shore. Just lots of awkward conversation and Hulu. It would be like if you had just given up drinking, and the next day you had to attend a combination wedding/20th high school reunion at which you were going to meet your girlfriend's parents for the first time. Scary. [People]

  • Hey, look, Spencer Pratt spent $7,000 on strippers at 4 Play Gentleman's Club in Los Angeles. He was apparently "scouting" for actresses for his new movie, Tower 69: Beach Patrol Featuring 3D Boobs (Yes, that's what it's called.) Pratt told Radar: "Tell all the press Spencer was casting 'talent'!" Which is a weird thing for him to say, because he is Spencer, and Radar is the press. But Pratt was sitting on a Persian rug floating 2 1/2 feet off the floor at the time. So, sort of makes sense. [Radar]

  • It's a Snooki kind of Saturday! Here's a funny premise for all you sketch-comedians: Snooki's ex(?) Emilio Masella only found out Snooki was cheating on him by watching Jersey Shore. [Radar]

  • Alright! Famed mistress defender Gloria Allred is now representing Mel Gibson's alleged mistress, Polish model Violet Kowal. We would say something like "This is going to get ugly," but, ha. Too late. [TMZ]

  • The Lady Gaga wore another insane outfit at Lollapalooza! It's basically a two-piece fishnet coverall with big star pasties and briefs and a studded jean jacket. Highly recommended: Click through to this article and check out the face of the guy in the second picture down, where Gaga is crowd surfing in her near-nude ensemble. This man's year has been made. [DailyMail]

  • Amy Poehler and Will Arnett had another baby! A funny, hilarious baby. [Popeater]

  • Unsurprising! Laurence Fishburne's aspiring porn star daughter, Montana Fishburne was once busted for prostitution. She was sentenced to two years probation and 15 days in jail, but managed to get out of jail by doing a work program. Not that kind of work! [E!]

  • Sandra Bullock just got a restraining order against her stalker, Thomas James Weldon. She got her first restraining order against the guy in 2003, so this is the 7th (or "copper") restraining order anniversary for the two. [Yahoo!]

  • Speaking of sketch comedy premises: Joe Biden walked into a surf shop in the Hamptons this week and found that the clerk "happened to be wearing an Obama Halloween mask. When the flustered teenager saw the vice president, he ripped off the mask and threw it on the floor." How many times do you think this happens to Joe Biden every month? [P6]

  • Sum 41 lead singer Deryck Whibley has been hospitalized in Japan after a bar fight. [E!]
  • [Picture of Snooki by Splash]