Fitness website Social Workout was able to get an operative inside the 54,000 square-foot gym deep within the bowels of Goldman Sachs mission control at 200 West Street in Manhattan. What did they find?
Well, not a ritual sacrifice or shady business deals or the shrunken head of J.P. Morgan or even good old-fashioned Ivy-League cross-dressing homoeroticism:
What you'll find in the Goldman Sachs gym is dimmish lighting, bland carpets, and endless rows of cardio machinery, either deserted, or operated by Goldman Sachs analysts clad in blue, company-issued Russell Athletic t-shirts and gray shorts (50% poly!) Far from cigars and bourbon by the lockers, the feeling is much more Courtyard by Marriott.
Alas! Is Goldman slipping? Or is this just a clever hoax? At the real Goldman Sachs, these bikes would all be made of gold, with pedals of ruby and handlebars crafted of the spines of lesser investment bankers:
One question is left unanswered: What, exactly, is in those cubbyholes? Nazi gold? Child corpses? Souls?