Today in Reasons You're a Terrible Parent: that bouncy castle that you rented for your child's birthday party has probably already caused them irreparable lead poisoning. Sorry.

The California attorney general has filed a lawsuit after tests found that bouncy castles—or, as the paper of record refers to them, "bounce houses," which make them sound like some sort of strip joint—contain enough lead to screw your kids' tiny brains up but good: "Lead levels in the vinyl, the tests found, varied from 5,000 parts per million to 29,000, far above the federal limit of 90 to 300 parts per million."

One official advises kids to "wipe their hands and faces afterward." But they better not wipe their faces with their hands, cause that would probably just get more lead particles into their tiny mouths.

[NYT. Photo via Flickr]