In the wake of folk hero flight attendant Steven Slater quitting his job so spectacularly, we asked for your own tales about going out in a blaze of glory. Wow, you all sure have left jobs in creative ways!
We received hundreds of stories, but there can be only one winner. Before we get to that, though, here are some of our favorite tales of people taking their jobs and shoving them. All of these commenters will get a star (if they don't have one already) and a sincere thank you for keeping us so entertained.
Click on the title to read the tale. The titles are ours, but the stories are all theirs:
- Her Milkshake Is Better Than Yours by Lavinia
- Badge of Courage by Unfriended
- What's in the Box? by LanBeast
- Insider Trading by Myrna_Minkoff
- Hold the Phone by ModernMindofM
- Miss Linda and the Case of the Poisonous Post-It by MissLinda
- Tipping the Scales by PrintersAnonymous
- Aiding and Abetting by Betty Crocker
- The Power of Satan by Anne Ominous
- Pissed Off by Horsenpony
- Pee Break by Keverdene
- Bringing Sexy Back by Chris Black
- The Boys in the Band by David Maheu
- Breaking the Mold by BullyTerrier
- Let's Go Out at The Movies by TheMediatrix
- Brought to You By... by RhubarbPlatypus
- Serial Quitting by Southernnycer
- Ooooh, That Smell by Rufus T Firecrotch
We have two special commendations in the "Stories We Love, But Don't Necessarily Believe Are True" category:
But there can only be one winner. And that is The Lemon, who shared a fantastic story about getting even with a despicable boss. We're talking federal agents and jail time here! Steven Slater might have cussed out an asshole passenger, but he didn't get anyone arrested (yet).
Here is the winning tale:
I had been working in a solo doctor's office for a few weeks. He hired a new office manager right after I started. The doctor paid well, but his reasons for this soon became evident. He was a dick. He was a dick to us, and a dick to his patients. He fake-smiled his way through their visits, and once they were out the door, all he cared about was the money. How much can he bill insurance for this visit? He piled on every possible charge.
Soon the office manager and I compared notes, and found that not only was the doctor we worked for a massive asshole, but he was also cheating his patients and the insurance companies. I was still young and unsure of how to handle this. So the two of us decided we should continue as we had been in order to copy paperwork (pre-computer era, believe it or not) and build a case against the doctor.
We stopped billing insurance companies for the fraudulent items right away, but started lying to the doctor, telling him that we had. Our time was obviously limited before this would be discovered. Putting up with this guy was also becoming almost impossible.
Our office was in a mixed plaza, with a restaurant almost next door. When he had an hour or more with no patients during the day, he would "run out for a minute". Translation = go next door and pound as many drinks at the bar as he could in one hour. When we realized this was happening, we started changing his schedule, and leaving gaps only at the end of the day. He started to like this though, and told us to do that more often, so he could "leave early" (his wife called all the time though - this was also before everyone had a cell phone).
When we thought we had everything we needed we planned our exit. Tried to wrap up as much as we could with the patients, and left detailed instructions about each patient at the front desk. It was a Monday morning, and no more patients were scheduled that day. We walked into his office, put our keys on his desk, and told him we were leaving. He exploded. I told him what a terrible doctor he was, he called me a bitch for quitting on him. It was awesome. (Kidding...I was freaked out and cried. I hate crying in public but when I get overly emotional in any way it happens.)
We went to my house and called the police. That's when everything started happening at warp speed. An FBI agent knocked at my door, and told us that they had been investigating this doctor for a while. They knew he was involved in insurance fraud, but needed evidence. Coincidentally, we had plenty!
Long story short, he was arrested, found guilty, and, most importantly, lost his license to practice.
Also, FBI agents can make you pee your pants just by looking at you.
Congrats, The Lemon. You have won a Dilbert mug, the chance to post your resume on Gawker (should you so desire), and the admiration of all our readers. (Email me to redeem your prize.) Thanks to everyone who participated. Now get up, give your boss the finger, and enjoy the rest of your day.