We're All Owned by Germans Now

The Way We Live Now: machen Sie sich keine Sorgen. That means "don't worry about it," and that's what you can tell people if you're German, because Germany is running things now.

Germany's finally won the war! The German economy, which makes all the Panzers, just had its best quarter since reunification. And if that doesn't scare you then I guess you never watched Band of Brothers while throwing up several bottles of Cisco. Shame on you.

Seems like foreigners are the only sure thing in this crazy mixed up world these days (economically speaking). The tax code? Nobody knows what the hell is going on with it. We're already setting ourselves up for another boom and bust cycle, just like we always do.

We never learn.

Assuming you're not German, you're going to have to sacrifice. You, the little people. Did you get lucky and get a little something extra in your pension? We're seizing that, with interest. Work in a subway station? Bye. Teacher in Yonkers? Adios. Are you a homeless runaway child? We can't afford you any more.

Everyone pitches in. To serve the Germans. You don't like schnitzel? Now you like schnitzel.

[Pic via]