This was a week of spectacular events — job quitting and meteor showers and natural disasters. Let's take a look back.
The week Steven Slater decided to quit his job. Then he decided to have sex with his boyfriend. Then he probably farted. Good for you, Steven! And good for you, other people who quit their jobs in grand fashion!
You know who else should quit, everything, forever? The Quayle family. Please. Also Louie Gohmert. And the D.C. Housewives. And Newt Gingrich. And Sarah Palin should quit too.Most people related to Washington D.C. should quit, basically.
The CEO of HP was forced to quit because of this sexy lady. Probably for the best, as the company has been up to no good. Meanwhile, this sexy lady probably did not quit anything. Julia Allison, however, has definitely quit New York.
Reading about Justin Bieber non-gossip is like having your ear bitten off by a drag queen. Or maybe it's like going on a date with Paul Narang, America's most eligible man. Or like eating Pop Tart sushi. It's like something bad, is what we're trying to say. Maybe it's like having a plant grow inside your lung. Yeah, that's it. It's like that.
This child is playing dead. These children will soon be dead, if they don't get off that damn bouncy castle! You will be dead if you keep eating those delicious fried cheese sandwiches. Or you'll just be as big as Rush Limbaugh. That's worked out pretty well for him.
[Original illustration of Steven Slater for Gawker by Sam Spratt]