The Big Waltz Is Over, and We're the Matildas

The Way We Live Now: girly. Meaning incapable of being paid what we're worth! Will the mighty USA one day be nothing more than a pit stop where Chinese Masters of the Universe pick up free cupcakes? It seems likely.

Econometrics have proven that you'll never get anywhere as far as wealth is concerned if you stick with "girly" jobs like kindergarten teacher or social worker, I don't know, doll ribbon arranger. The reason for this is that "women may just like these jobs despite the low pay," which is an economist's way of saying that women are bad at math.

Whereas Larry Summers works in the White House now.

If you're capable of envisioning this girly issue as a metaphor, America is the girly place, doing jobs on the cheap like suckers, while China, now the second biggest economy in the world, is the badass coming up in our rearview mirror all sputtering smoke and fire, and they're kicking in our humble girly door and they're picking up some cupcakes (which is all our economy "makes," in the modern age) and they look at us with their fiery economic eyes and gruffly demand "How much are these cupcakes, girls?" and we just freeze up and we're like "Uh... they're free! Everything is free! Take whatever you want, sir!"

We can't even get it together to accept credit cards in restaurants, any more.

But, this is how it is, now, might as well get used to it. Put on your finest old threadbare ballgown and dance to the tunes of despair, for our empire hath fallen. I mean we're still technically #1, but, you know, China, and we're scared and all that. This is the current operating theory. Do with it what you wish—in a feminine manner.