Jesus Barely Even Concealing His Miracles

Some things are small miracles, like a child's smile. And then there are big miracles, like when a stolen fragment of the True Cross is returned by a mysterious transient, who disappears. How in-your-face does Jesus have to be? Jesus.

Earlier this summer, *someone* (Satan) went into a church in Boston and swiped a small relic containing what the church says is a piece of wood from Jesus's cross. So everyone's praying for its return, and nobody knows where it is for over a month, and then, last week, some transient just wanders up to the Vermont State Police and hands it in, then disappears. The AP reports:

Church officials, who were unable until Saturday to verify it was the real thing, called the relic priceless but estimated its street value at $2,300 to $3,800.

"Priceless" buys a lot of crack! Does that sound like the behavior of a mortal transient to you? Police are now looking for a man named Earl Frost, who they say turned it in. Is it any coincidence that "Earl Frost" is an anagram of "Laser Fort?" Keep looking, coppers—right up to that big laser fort in the sky.

Praise him, motherfuckers.