It's true. Read no further if you don't want a big, gay hunk mystery spoiled. Also today: Some completely gross Battleship casting, a timely Gossip Girl cameo, and an alien-related war brews in Los Angeles.
Earlier this summer, we learned of an intriguing hunk-related mystery: Which hunk from 90210 — the new one!!!! so it can't be Matthew Laurence!!! — is going to become (and be-come) a gay on the show's third season, starting this fall? Everyone was so eager to find out who it was! President Morlock Pajama formed a task force consisting of top-level NSA agents and various limp-wristed TV reporters and finally an answer has been found. Are you ready for the spoiler-y news? The gay hunk is going to be... Teddy! Yes, the blonde hunk who is played by a 32-year-old actor is going to be learning how to kiss dudes over the course of the season. This is kind of exciting because a) he's old enough to have tinglies for and b) he's allergic to shirts. Now, this isn't official. The CW has not confirmed. But the actor has basically said it's him on the Twitter, so now it is binding by the ancient magic of the internet. Even if Teddy wasn't going to be gay, now he has to be, because Twitter has said so. Are you excited? [EW]
So, speaking of ugly blonde people. Do you know who Brooklyn Decker is? She is this beast who is starting to become an actress. Ho hum, ugmos on parade. Anyway, she is now joining the cast of Battleship, the movie based on the boardgame! Mmhm! So Brooklyn Decker will soon be in a movie in which she deals with a lot of seamen. Keep it in your pants, everyone! She's costarring with fellow monsters Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna, and Alexander Skarsgard. So there's just no reason to see this movie whatsoever. You sunk my battleship, ugly people. [Deadline]
The two dudes that wrote the last two James Bond movies have a new project in the works. No, James Bond is still on indefinite unpaid leave. This is a different thing, a thriller based on a concept by an anthropologist about an, uh, anthropologist who travels back to the Sahara desert to help an old subject when they become caught up in the geopolitical morass of the West African uranium game. Hm. And by "an old subject" they must mean Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz, and Steve Zahn, who are still wandering the Sahara trying to find hidden Civil War (like, American Civil War) treasure while also stopping nefarious bio-toxic terrorism, right? It's going to be Sahara 2: Dirk Pitt Rides Again, yes? And it'll be about some Civil War locomotive full of sapphires and then poison air pollution or something? OK, good. Good work, James Bond screenwriters. The world is grateful. [THR]
Hydraulx, a special effects company unmistakably named by men, has been sent a letter by Sony Pictures Entertainment asking the company to stop using special effects equipment that the studio owns. Hydraulx (To The Extreme!!) claims that this is bogus, and that all Sony is trying to get them to do is move the release of Hydraulx's alien invasion movie Skyline to a date past that of Sony's alien invasion movie, Battle: Los Angeles, on which Hydraulx did some work. (Sneaky buggers!) Clearly Sony is worried about a Deep Impact/Armageddon thing here. Though, uh, Armageddon came out second and did way better. Plus, Skyline is a Cloverfield-esque low-budge affair whose biggest stars are perpetual show-killer Eric Balfour, Murray from Clueless, and the girl who played Jessica on the Sweet Valley High show (and the tranny on It's Always Sunny). Whereas Sony's Battle is a huge studio movie with Aaron Eckhart and Michele Rodriguez, who have proven that they know how to be in big, successful movies. You know what Sony should really be worrying about? The fact that when looking it up on IMDB, I instinctively typed in Battlefield Earth. Sony, you do not want to be mistaken for that movie. Focus on that. Let the little silly sneaks do their little Donald Faison thing and you worry about Scientology comparisons. [The Wrap]
Here are two casting notices. Hugh Jackman will NOT be starring in Avon Man, a hilarious comedy about a man, a man!!, who gets a job selling makeup when he loses his macho, real-man job, like digging ditches or farting into vaginas or something. How embarrassing for that man. Good thing Hugh Jackman isn't doing that movie. His sexuality is already tied in such a fantastic pretzel I don't know if it could handle him prancing around like a disgusting girl selling stupid stuff that women have to put on their faces if they don't want to be lonely anymore, those stupid women. Good thinking, Hugh. [Deadline] Meanwhile, Michael Ealy WILL be in a USA Network pilot about a slick and quick-talking person related to law prosecution or law enforcement or crime in some way who encounters zany things and the show is lit terribly, like all USA shows. I honestly haven't read the description or even the title of the show he's going to be on. I just saw "USA" and decided I'd take a stab. Click the link and tell me if I'm wrong. [Deadline]
Zombubbles!! Gossip Girl news is just splattering all over our faces like we're Chace Crawford at a frat party! Here's word that Tim Gunn, a gay angel and the patron saint of sensible couture, will be a guest star on the show this season. Good work, everyone. Tim Gunn. Oooh yes. What a hot, hip show his Project Runway is these days! Who are going to have guest next, Jai Rodriguez?? I'm pretty thrilled about Idalis' guest spot too. (Seriously, I adore Mr. Gunn, but PR is a little over the hill, no?) [EW]