Banking heir and "techno music star" Ivan Wilzig had a tummy ache one day. Suddenly his innie bellybutton exploded into an outie—filled, presumably, with his guts. The process nearly killed him. This is his harrowing absurdist story.
This story plays on a recurring nightmare I had at the age of five. Ivan—who insists on being called "Sir Ivan," used to work on Wall Street, and competed on Who Wants to Be a Superhero?—tells the harrowing story of near-death by inside-out bellybutton (super-gross hernia?) to to Page Six:
I had a tear in one of my stomach muscles, so my 'inny' bellybutton became an 'outy.' I had it repaired in February. Four days later, I started feeling ill and I was rushed to intensive care. I had blood clots in my lungs, pneumonia and a rapid heart rate, and for a while I was a borderline case. I very nearly died. [...] I now have the greatest appreciation for life; therefore I'll throw even bigger parties.
Anyway, for those unfamiliar with the phenomenon that is "Sir Ivan," here is one of his music videos, for a techno remix of "Kumbaya."
Wilzig's nom de musique is Peaceman. He's an old school fameball who forced his way into New York's tabloids by sheer force of ridiculousness, but has been laying low in recent years, in spite of an obvious readiness for reality television. Anyway, we're glad to hear Sir Ivan survived the nuclear explosion in his navel, and wish him nothing but peace. [P6, image via Getty]