Anderson Cooper: Please Don't Dye Your Hair!S

A company promoting a pill that supposedly turns gray hair back to its original color has offered Anderson Cooper $1 million to get rid of his silver tresses. That is the stupidest thing we ever heard.

Here are all the reasons Anderson should turn down the offer:

  • Dubious Science: The pill, called Go Away Gray, is an "all-natural pill containing the enzyme Catalase." The science is sound: Catalase can prevent hair from turning gray. But like other "natural supplements" marketed online, we have a feeling "Go Away Gray" hasn't been evaluated by the FDA or any certified scientific board, so it might not even work. Even worse, it could have catastrophic side effects. Anderson's boyfriend would be pissed if it caused his manhood to wither up, wouldn't he?

  • Trademark Infringement: Gray hair is Anderson Cooper's signature. He went gray at a young age and television viewers know him by his colorless 'do. What would he be without it? Can you imagine Anna Wintour with her her bob, Carrot Top without his carrot top, or John Travolta without his toupee? Neither can we. With a head of brown hair, Anderson would just be another Brian Williams.

  • The Money Honey: Anderson Cooper is a Vanderbilt. Scratch that. Anderson Cooper is a Vanderbilt with a million-dollar salary. He needs money like CNN needs lower ratings. Sure, he could give the cash to charity, but Anderson has more money for charity than Larry King has pairs of suspenders. Okay, you get the idea.

  • It's Sexy: Andy is a studly guy. Maybe it's the blue eyes, the patrician demeanor, or the increasingly bulging biceps. No, it's not. It's the hair. There is something about a man with a head of solid gray hair that makes him look distinguished, worldly. It sets him apart from the pack and on a young man like Anderson, you get all the benefits of a youthful physique with the additional added bonus of the old-timer coloring. It's that hair that puts us at ease and makes us trust him. It's what make us comfortable enough to go back to his hotel room thinking we were just going to have a nightcap until he pulls us close and plants a big fat kiss on our lips and shoves his hand down our pants and whispers, "Don't worry, I'll be gentle," before throwing us onto the bed for an evening of sweaty, vigorous lovemaking. Oh yes! It's the hair!

So, uh, yeah, Andy. Don't you dare take that money or that cockamamie pill.

[Image via Getty]