Fast food is already 98% of the average American's diet. So when the average American cannot afford fast food, we have a problem. Pizza Hut must slash its prices—otherwise, Americans could literally lose weight.

Not to worry! Pizza Hut is slashing its prices. Mediums are now going to be just $8, large pizzas are $10, and the "Big Italy pie" with 18 slices of...goodness is just $12, meaning the average American can now get through a day on only $24 in pizza product. Or, if they prefer, $26 in huge Burger King pizza sandwich product.

Tired after your affordable meal? Pep up with some Starbucks-brand coffee, which is now more of a "thing you buy in grocery stores, in crystal form" than it is a thing you drink in a "coffee house," thanks to Starbucks' new retail strategy, which the company was forced to put in place after McDonald's cornered the world market on liquids consumed inside stores, whether Americans know what those liquids are or not.

We know they're cheap!

[Photo Sylvar]

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