Tai chi benefits! Robot knee replacements! Breast surgery discussions! Wrinkle cream scams! Cross-eyed kids! Diet Coke pregnancy! Smoking in movies! Hyper-ass pesticides! And terror-ass terror birds! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—peckin' and puffin!
- Tai Chi eases fibromyalgia. But it elevates the chances of your soul being stolen when some tourist snaps a photo of you doing early morning tai chi in a public park in Chinatown cause it's great "color."
- Doctors hope that a new high-tech bionic knee replacement will be a big help to veterans who lost their legs in a war. Not a veteran? The knee will sense that, and kill you.
- A new law in New York requires doctors to discuss options like breast reconstruction with women before removing their breasts in cancer surgery. Whereas before I guess they would, what, just keep that a secret, for fun? Seems dumb, end of discussion.
- We already covered this, but clearly the NYT is not paying attention, so let's repeat: "wrinkle cream" is a scam. Even if they invent some that works, too late, we already declared it a scam. End of discussion.
- STUDY OF THE DECADE: "Do cross-eyed kids get invited to fewer birthday parties?" We won't ruin the surprise by reading the attached article.
- Pregnant? Fair warning: drinking diet soda could kill your unborn child. Or, if not kill them, probably make them really skinny.
- If you're a Hollywood producer who thinks smoking scenes in movies are "cool," fuck you, because smoking scenes in movies are on the decline. So just go stick a heroin needle right in your eyeball, Tarantino. Yes, you.
- More and more, scientific evidence is linking pesticides to ADHD. So if your kid can't sit still in class, maybe stop spraying Raid on his food every night, huh? How much will it take to convince you?
- Sixty million years ago, a seven-foot tall "terror bird" in South America "used a huge, hard skull and hawk-like beak for a fighting strategy reminiscent of boxer Muhammad Ali." (A boxer well know for attacking with his beak). What's that have to do with health? The terror bird is the end of your health, fool. End of discussion.