Tonight's episode of Jersey Shore was all about breaking up. Snookie cut things off with Emilio while Sammi burned through being endearing and ended up looking pathetic, pining after Ronnie as he got angry drunk and berated her. Love stinks.

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Everyone took a backseat in tonight's episode as the world's least romantic relationship sputtered and stalled and miraculously kicked back to life over and over. Where was everyone? Pauly? Dancing somewhere. Vinny? Stealing the best quote of the episode by loudly proclaiming "I AM CAESAR!" at a club. Situation? Still communicating entirely in catchphrases. This is all the face time they were afforded between Sammi being too insecure to see what's right in front of her.

Snookie and JWoww finally decided to write her an anonymous letter exposing all of Ronnie's grenade-laden infidelities (although I don't know how they think she'll think that anyone else could have written it). Hopefully it will resolve everything by next week's episode, but who are we kidding?

In the end, all of the bickering made for a boring episode. Ronnie couldn't have put it better himself: "We're just beating a dead horse at this point. And, you know, if the horse is dead, you leave it alone." This week's lesson: stop beating horses and go back to beating up beats.