Two Versions of Heidi Montag In One Terrible Sex Tape

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag's Sex Tape Will Feature pre- and post-op Heidi. Lindsay Lohan can't exercise. Real Housewives of New Jersey blow-up! Saturday Gossip Round-up is part of the problem.

  • Spencer Pratt is shopping around a sex tape featuring him and his soon-to-be-ex-wife Heidi Montag. And of course, this being America, land of discretion, our only question was: Would this sex tape feature Heidi before or after she got a brace of plastic surgery procedures that turned her into a semi-paralyzed fembot? Turns out it will feature Heidi both pre- and post-op. (Though, honestly, this is like hearing they were able to make two different kinds of garbage-flavored ice cream. We're not eating either!) Meanwhile, Heidi's camp is denying that there even is a sex tape. "She would never put out a sex tape of herself," said her buddy Jennifer Bunney, "she's extremely religious." [TMZ, Radar]

  • Lindsay Lohan is "dying to exercise" in rehab, because she hasn't been given permission to use the gym. Hey, there are worse things to be addicted to than exercise. [TMZ]

  • Some sort of Real Housewives of New Jersey drama this way comes. Shall we try to untangle the threads that bind Teresa Guidice and Danielle Staub? Well, there's a Housewives reunion show, and they got in a fight—it got physical!—and the producers had to step in. Wow, what a horrible thing to happen. If only there was some way to turn this human strife into an advertisement for the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion show: Mondays on Bravo: 10/9 central! Phew. [Radar]

  • There's a person named Vienna Girardi famous for starring in the gigolo-based reality show The Bachelor. She's had a new boyfriend for a while after breaking up with her two-timing fiance Jake Pavelka. Now he is revealed! His name is John Sala and he's studying biochemical engineering and is a hunk. People

  • Justin Bieber is going to be in a movie! We love Justin Bieber. How did he get a movie deal? According to TMZ, he included it in a contract with AEG Live entertainment group. The contract made AEG agree to fund development of "a certain screenplay as requested by Justin Bieber." So, expect for a new teen vampire movie next year starring Bieber. [TMZ]

  • Speaking of teen vampires. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were driving along when they saw the paps on their tale. What to do!? They ducked into a nearby police station, and the police helped them sneak out and avoid the paparazzi. But not after first chasing Robert around the station screaming for twenty minutes. [TMZ]

  • We are anti-immigration, when it comes to Tori Spelling's husband, Dean McDermott, who just became a U.S. citizen, forever renouncing his homeland of Canada. With so many American Deans unemployed, why should we be importing them from Canada? [US Weekly]

  • Eliot Spitzer's madam, Kristin Davis is running for New York governor. And she just got an endorsement from one Leslie Ann Hooker. She's a descendent of Fighting Joe Hooker who convinced Lincoln to let prostitutes follow Union troops to keep up their morale. Legend has it, this is why whores are called "Hookers today." We all learned something in today's Gossip roundup! [P6]

  • [Pic by Pacific Coast News]