Pepsi cola has already been revealed to be the pinnacle of the entire universe. But that has not resulted in Pepsi's "Max" chemical product beating Coke's similar chemical product in market share. Solution? War.

There is a cola drink called "Pepsi Max." Perhaps you know it? No, probably not, because it has less than 1% of the market. What is this "Max?" It is some diet thing, not that you could tell from the name. No wonder nobody drinks the shit, right? Pepsi sees the matter differently. Its competitor's product, Coke Zero, has more than four times the market share. Therefore, Pepsi Max must directly attack Coke Zero. The Cola Wars—which rocked the planet earth and outer space for decades upon decades—are back on. The two sides are already firing volleys of killer words, in Ad Age:

Advertisement

[Lauren Hobart, 'chief marketing officer of sparkling brands at PepsiCo'] said that consumers should "expect to see the playful rivalry come to life in future executions. ... We love that it's lighting a fire in the cola wars."

Coke, for its part, couldn't resist zinging its competitor when asked about the campaign from TBWA/Chiat/Day for Max. "Clearly Pepsi was looking for a rising star to appear in their latest commercial when they chose to feature Coke Zero," said [a Coke spokeswoman]. "We're actually pretty flattered."

Must our children be subjected to the same advertising wars for syrupy chemical liquid dominance that so scarred our own generation? Let's all just drink juice. Wait—juice is owned by Coke and Pepsi, too. Let's all just drink water. Oh—that won't work either.

Let's all drink cyanide. [Ad Age]