Guess what! The Miss Universe pageant is on right now. Since nobody cares about who wins, I've decided to pull clips of the worst/creepiest/most awkward moments—just from the first hour!—and post them as your schadenfreude fix. Videos inside.

1) Cohost Bret Michaels is a very horny man:

2) Michaels is also not too good at reading teleprompters:

3) Donald Trump is possibly the worst (and unintentionally creepy) choice ever to give the pre-commercial voiceovers:

Was that one not creepy enough? Here, try this:

4) The judges. Say "D-List!" fast five times:

5) Another horny moment from Michaels while introducing the swimsuit contest, followed by enough bouncing breasts to last a lifetime:

6) Presented without comment: