PMS decoded! Neurosurgery! Stapled peptides! Ants on McDonald's! Eggs that kill! More smoking cancer! Chronic fatigue solved! And gluten-free crapola! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—consuming Wheaties by the barrel!
- A new study says that stress causes PMS, and not vice versa. This just confirms long-held beliefs that the only fucking thing wrong with women is their stupid boyfriends acting like stupid assholes, god.
- How would you like to have your brain cut out of your head and preserved in a jar at prestigious Yale University? This is just one of the many exciting benefits of neurosurgery. Apply now.
- The wait is over: Roche is investing big in a new medicine-into-cell delivery method known as stapled peptides. I know what grandma is getting for Christmas!
- What would happen if a group of desert harvester ants were fed a 100% McDonald's diet for a whole month? They'd get a great documentary deal out of it, that's what! No but seriously, they mostly died.
- Are your eggs really safe? Why don't you just bite on into one and find out? Mmmm. Hope there's not half-chicken in there (with a disease).
- Oh guess what, smoking gives you breast cancer. BAM. Hahaha. Cause you know smokers are just like "whatever, one more cancer can't hurt."
- Researchers say that people suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome are actually harboring a specific family of retroviruses. This breakthrough has raised hope of a radical new cure: more coffee.
- Gluten-free diets for weight loss: bullshit. Add them to the list.