Tom Cruise's Hot, Young Male Threesome

Yep. He has one right now. Also today: Cruise's wife gets in bed with two people, but only one man, Scream 4 adds some more victims, a Glee rumor appears true, and some sexy nerd ladies arrive at SyFy's doorstep.

Legendary straight man Tom Cruise is seeing three guys at the same time! Oh my gosh, what is he going to do? He's going to have to pick one. He's auditioning three cute young fellas — Christopher Egan (Kings), Anthony Mackie (Half Nelson), and Kevin Zegers (Air Bud: Golden Receiver) — as potential costars (and franchise heirs?) for Mission: Impossible 4. Only one will get the part, but I'm sure Cruise is having fun with the deciding process. I wonder what's the hardest part of the audition. The limbo competition? The whipped cream Slip-'n'-Slide? The sex? Do you think it's the sex? [Deadline]

Meanwhile! Katie Holmes is joining the cast of Jack & Jill, a comedy directed by Dennis Dugan (who played Tommy and Annika's dad in The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking, true fact) that is hopefully based on the Amanda Peet/Ivan Sergei series of yesteryear. (Sarah Paulson, Justin Kirk, Jaime Pressly, and professional masturbator Simon Rex were also on that show!) Well, no, actually in the movie Adam Sandler plays Jack AND Jill, twin siblings, while Holmes just plays his wife, and Jack Nicholson plays... Jack Nicholson. So it's not based on the TV series. Meaning I shouldn't hold my breath for a Zoe, Duncan, Jack & Jane movie, huh? Gosh. Remember the WB? Were we ever that young? [THR]

Ring-a-ling, nerds! Nerds, get your nerd news! The SyFy network has added some cast members to its show Three Inches, which, yes, ha ha ha, let's get it out of the way: penis. OK, done? So they've added Naoko Mori, from sadgirl favorite Torchwood. And they've added Stephanie Jacobsen who played a total bitch on the canceled-too-soon Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (I too am Nerd). So that's basically the most explodey nerd news of the day, huh?? Two hot sci-fi chicks cozying up to each other on the small screen. SyFy really knows what it's doing. Oh, the show is about a twentysomething with underwhelming superpowers (he can move objects three inches) who teams up with people with equally lame powers to lamely save the world. Hm. Lame people with delusions of grandeur. Why would anyone think that would work on the SyFy network? [Deadline]

You know that Funny or Die series "Drunk History"? (This is the best one.) Well its creator, Derek Waters, has teamed up with Michael Cera and a writer named Emily Kapnek to create a show for FX called 13th Grade, about a Peter Pan loser whose girlfriend can't deal with his inability to grow up. It's based on this, I'm assuming. Cera is co-writing the script, not playing the guy. So there's that at least. [Variety]

So this is sort of old-ish, but whatever. Chord Overstreet is the name of a person (barely — I mean, what's next? Ripple Brickstacker? Crescent Appletree? Rhyme Featherstick? Boxcar Samuelson? Well, OK, Boxcar Samuelson is the name of the current hobo mayor of Cleveland. But the other ones! Ridiculous) who was cast on Glee last month as the cute new foosball player and a rival of Finn's. But nowwwww it seems confirmed that the blonde iCarly refugee will ALSO be the boyfriend of... gay elf Kurt! OK, so this had been rumored for a little while, but now it's seems all but confirmed. Kurt and Chord will be making musical love to one another come the fall. While Finn sulks and thinks maybe he'd be willing to give it a whirl with Kurt after all. And then he says, hell, if Kurt's there, Chord might as well be too, and then Ryan Murphy calls a closed set and lights a cigarette, sits back, and waits for the Hollywood magic to happen. [E!]

Jesus has been cast in a new movie. Indeed, Jim Caviezel will play a protective family man whose brood is threatened by a group of murderous robbers. So it's like The River Wild, only far more holy and far less Strathairny. And less Bratty. And less Bacony. The lack of Baconness really is the movie's biggest crime. At least Elisabeth Rohm, the lesbian from Laws & Orders, is on hand to try to be Streepy. The whole thing sounds a little straight-to-videoy. [THR]

AHHHHHHHHH. TV's most annoying screamer, Anna Paquin, has joined the cast of Scream 4, as has Kristen Bell, TV's most nerded about teen sleuth. Filming has been underway for a long while now in Michigan, so folks are speculating that these two ladies might be the first-offs of the picture, getting killed right in the beginning, like Drew Barrymore in the first one, Jada Pinkett and Omar Epps in the second, and Liev Schreiber in the third. (Y2K spoiler alert.) That could work. THIS SOUNDS HORRIBLE, I but I wouldn't miiiiiind seeing Anna Paquin get killed IN A MOVIE. Not in real life. Stay away, lawyers. Stay away. [EW]