Vladimir Putin, the world's favorite He-man/Russian President shot a gray whale with a crossbow while riding in a rubber raft earlier today. This is getting ridiculous. How will he ever outdo himself now?
Putin held his balance in a rubber boat that was being tossed around in choppy waters off the Kamchatka Peninsula, and eventually hit the whale with a special arrow designed to collect skin samples.
"I hit it at the fourth try!" a beaming Putin, kitted out in black-and-orange waterproof suit and black beanie, yelled to a camera crew from the boat.
A politician's every action is carefully calibrated to send a specific message. What is Putin trying to say by shooting the largest mammal on earth with a crossbow? Whale skin is an important source of alternative energy? Russian children are falling behind the rest of the world in their shooting-things-with-crossbows-from-rubber-rafts-ability? No, it is: I am a fucking badass before whom nature trembles like a 15-year-old girl before Justin Bieber.
Keep in mind, this is a man who has been photographed:
- Putting out raging wildfires with his bare hands
- Posing topless with a horse
- Swimming with dolphins, cradling a massive rifle and arm wrestling
- Doing a powerful butterfly stroke while swimming in a freezing Siberian lake
- Riding a Harley Davidson for no apparent reason
This latest stunt was probably suggested by some Russian PR guy as a joke at the bar after a night of heavy drinking, only what he didn't realize was that Putin was hanging from the rafters doing shirtless pull-ups, overheard him and decided to take up the challenge.
But now that Putin has done the most badass thing imaginable, what else could he do? The only possible way Putin could top this would be to attack increasingly-more impressive animals with increasingly-dinkier weapons. Putin must travel back in time and kill a T. Rex using nothing but a Waterpik electronic toothbrush.
[Photo via AP]